Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
