Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
