I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
