Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
