She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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