New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
