Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
