i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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