I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
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