I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
