the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
