i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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