Why does Corona taste like a burp?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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