So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
