Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
