sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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