Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
