Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
