Cold hands, warm shart.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
