Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
