I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
