It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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