We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
