Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
