We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
