I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
