BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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