You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
