i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
