Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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