At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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