Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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