I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
