We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
