Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
