So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
