OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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