Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
