you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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