i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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