rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
