my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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