What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
