white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
