Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
