Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
