..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
