Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
