people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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