Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
